Things change.
More appropriately for me, sh*t happens.

Sometimes, sh*t happens all at once.

I wasn’t planning on writing all that much about this experience, but, here I am. I have no real reason to complain, but when things don’t work out as you were hoping, I find it helps to vent just a little bit, even if it is to strangers on the internet.

A few months ago, I had made a post on this ever-so-neglected blog of mine, and divulged where I would be attending college. A large, well known, renowned private school in southern California. My dream school since childhood. A beacon of intelligence and excellence in (to me) the greatest city on earth. (L.A.- I don’t care how many people disagree!) However, there is a little thing called “financial aid” that those readers under the age of 18 should get to know real quick. Financial aid can save your life, and it can also ruin it. Unfortunately for me, it was the latter.

Well, I dare to say “ruin”… After all everything happens for a reason. I won’t go into all the dirty details, but what happened was, this big, prestigious, “brand name” school did not provide me with a financial aid award conducive to mine and my family’s needs. Plain and simple. (In fact, they “jipped” me for lack of a better phrase, but who’s bitter? Certainly not me..)

At the time, it felt to me like I had worked so hard to obtain something, then I finally got it, and I was not allowed to enjoy it. Like doing extra chores for a month to save money for a Game Boy. And then you save the money, buy the Game Boy, only to find that you can’t open the box. I held my dream in my own hands, and then felt it become too heavy a burden to hold any longer.

Fortunately for me, I had submitted the commitment deposit at a smaller university in southern California, a stone’s throw from LA with an up-and-coming film program. My choices were to either sell my soul to the devil and live a life of debt to pay off that “brand name” education, or attend a lesser-known (but still reputable) university that I had not even planned on attending (the commitment deposit was a contingency plan barring any unforeseen changes, which inevitably came to pass) nor had given much thought to applying to when application season was upon me. (I submitted the essay requirements the day the application was due… whoops) That being said, this smaller, non “name brand” school offered me a very generous scholarship.

The choice, in the end was clear cut. Though it was not what I originally had in mind for myself, I have decided to attend the smaller, lesser-known school, in place of the “brand name”. Am I complaining about a scholarship? No. Am I kicking myself for moving so far away? A little, but that’s another post. Do I need to check my privilege? Yes, probably. I am extremely lucky and blessed to be able to even say I am attending college at all, let alone pursuing a film degree. So many of my high school classmates were steered by their parents into a business or medical or engineering program, and I am beyond fortunate to have parents who recognize passion.

The moral of the story is, things happen and plans change and the way we envisioned our futures is very rarely the way they shape up to be.

And that is not a bad thing.

Go Panthers.




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