I called my grandmother to thank her for sending me a check to purchase dorm furnishings. It’s her little tradition to take the grandkids dorm shopping in the weeks leading up to their college departure, however, since I won’t be attending school anywhere within reasonable driving distance, she sent me money and let me use it to get what I needed. All was well until she began to talk about how proud she was, and how she thinks it’s brave of me to be going so far away from home so I could pursue what I have always wanted. After our little conversation, I choked out a measly “bye” and then I completely lost it.
I was in the car with my mother on the way to dinner when this little exchange took place. I cried, she cried, for a second the whole world cried, and for the life of me, I could not get it back together. I was in that state where your lips keep contorting into painful shapes and that lump in your throat just won’t go away. That state where you are doing more of an “angry cry” because you can’t stop crying. It was bad. I haven’t cried like that in a while.
So we stop off at my mom’s work to pick up her cell phone that she had left there earlier that day. (My mom owns her own preschool, and I have been working there over the summer to earn some extra money for school, and have really enjoyed my coworkers and the kids. Some of the people I work with I have known my entire life, and it’s like having a completely second family. It’s the greatest thing ever.) I walk into a room to grab the phone, and every one of my coworkers (more like friends/ second family) are there waiting on me to surprise me for a goodbye party.
You can imagine what happened next.
I lose it even worse than before. I am doing the ugly sob. Not because of sadness, but because I was surrounded by a group of people who love me completely and totally, and, I swear there is no greater feeling on earth.
That all being said, I am, yet again stuck in a contradiction. I simultaneously feel like I am leaving this whole group of dear friends who love me, and I am trying to resist the urge to say,”Forget it! I’m not going to college! I’m staying here and we’re gonna be friends and take little car rides together and play games and run errands for fun together FOREVER!” and then there is another part of me that feels like with a group of people behind me who care about me this much, how could I ever fail?
p.s. I’m having dinner with my grandparents tomorrow night, and I am going to try and keep it together.
p.p.s. tomorrow is also my last day at work, and I am going to completely lose it AGAIN
p.p.p.s. I am also doing the ice bucket challenge tomorrow. It’s gonna be quite a day.
p.p.p.p.s. That photo above is me and my dearest friends, plus my BFF/ cousin. These 3 kept my surprise party hidden from me ALL WEEK, and I love them.